Having David Warner play Nathan Lyon at the Test Match board game seems a perfectly reasonable way to promote series two of The Test on Amazon Prime

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3 minute read

Say what you like about tax-dodging symbol of the horrors of modern global commerce, Amazon, it knows how to promote a documentary series about the Australia Test cricket team.

Series one of Amazon Prime’s The Test was notable for footage of Justin Langer kicking a bin over, among other things. Next week series two becomes available. We imagine it’ll begin with Langer’s and Tim Paine’s departures.

Amazon have this week seen fit to promote the show with a promotional video in which David Warner plays Nathan Lyon at the board game Test Match (one of the few things with a name as uselessly ungoogleable as The Test).

This is a very exciting thing.

It’s not exciting to see which of them wins, because Test Match is not a game of victory and defeat. Test Match is a game of desperately trying to make things semi-work in the face of the game’s own massive failings.

So what’s actually exciting is to see precisely how the game has moved on in the 30-odd years since we last played it.

And let us tell you right now, Test Match has moved on MASSIVELY.

Back in our day, the bowler would deliver the ball (bearing) down a chute. Nowadays, he actually flings the thing via a p’twang mechanism.

This literally adds a whole new dimension to the game because previously the ball remained on the deck. This whole new dimension presumably reduces the likelihood of batter hitting ball or bowler hitting stumps considerably, thus making plausible cricket action even harder to engineer.

It is therefore no great surprise that gameplay is apparently largely shaped by byes. SHAMEFUL CHEAT David Warner even goes so far as to try and claim byes when the ball is stopped by a slip fielder within the two runs zone.

When runs are achieved, they are generally scored by picking up the batter and plinth and basically wielding the entire contraption as a bat.

For example, we can exclusively reveal that one of Warner’s fours actually came of the batter’s face.

Apparently a little less willing to sacrifice others for his own personal glory, Lyon was unable to match Warner’s run tally and lost the match.

There is further controversy here though because at one point Lyon’s batter is given caught behind off the glove and it definitely looks like arm to us (albeit the ball is massive relative to the batter and could therefore have hit both upper arm and glove simultaneously).

You can watch the highlights here.

Here’s a thing we did about another of the highlights from series one of The Test: How Adam Zampa and Marcus Stoinis are pissing away the great legacy of David Boon.

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